How I Broke the Dysfunctional Patterns
My Turning Point in 2020…
This was the year I realized my daughter was turning into a young woman. I realized my time had come to break the pattern of accepting toxic behavior from family and men in our lives. I hope my story will help some of you to find the inner strength to live your best life, to have a voice, and to know that your story matters and that you can overcome your trauma!
The Journey into My Past
There is a picture below, and I am my daughter's age.
Filled with fear and pain because nothing in my life was calm or stable. I want to give her a better life.
Losing my Voice at 13….
* Think if you know anyone that has been sexually assaulted, ok now think about how many of those people reported it…
* I lost my voice at this age because I shared with a family member something an uncle had done to me, and she dismissed me and told me not to say anything… So many boundaries were lost at that very moment.
* I am not a victim, people do stupid things that we can't control, but we can control what we learn from those situations.
Forgiveness – Recognize – Heal
We must understand and heal the wounds of the past before we can move forward.
At first, I didn't do this, I kept accepting abuse because I confused it for love. Until I realized I needed to heal from my abuse I was not able to move forward. I then started my journey of self-love and setting the best example for my daughter, and showing her all life has to offer! I had to prevent my biggest fear from happening, which was letting history repeat itself, if my family didn't protect me, why would they protect her. I set a boundary to make sure she had awareness about abuse and the skills to avoid it.
Lessons I learned…
No matter what has happened, we get a chance to rewrite the script.
The cycle can be broken. Letting go of anger makes room for peace.
Once I realized my mother had been sexually abused, and perhaps her mother as well, I began to realize I had to break the pattern, something my mother didn't have the strength to do, but I did! I stopped the acceptance of dysfunction for myself and for my daughter! I stopped blaming others and realized I was not that hurt, abandoned, scared little girl anymore.
I learned to self-parent and self-soothe as an adult.
Trauma changes everyone differently…
Everyone is impacted by trauma
Possible trauma symptoms:
Unsure about past
Challenged by your identity
I made peace with my mother, my uncle, and the men in my life that treated me badly. I made peace with a man I loved deeply by realizing he was in pain, too, due to trauma in his life, and I made a choice. I detached with love and never looked back.
3 Questions to ask yourself…
When did this start? (year, day)
2. Does this happen with other people?
3. Do you see a pattern?
Getting Past Trauma with Non-Professional ( journaling & reading) and Professional help ( therapist, CBT, life coach) Choose what is best for you, but do something to create change.
My transformation, I turned my trauma into lessons and then success…
Founded Beauty Tomorrow Consulting
Board Member for 3 Associations
Girl Talk Podcast Host
Launched a Blog in 2021
Mentor at Global Wellness Institute
Although these are wonderful points of my success within my career, I am most proud of my inner work, self-love, and journey.
During the pandemic, I read a lot, and this was one of the most impactful quotes…
Oprah's conclusion in her book ( What Happened to You?) "What I know for sure is that everything that has happened to you was also happening for YOU, and all that time and all of those moments, you were building strength. What happened to you can be your power."